Monday, November 23, 2009

Aging like a werewolf

Age comes upon a person with relentless ferocity, churning ever forward.

This is not all bad. Getting older has its benefits. For one thing I've gotten smarter -- or at least it seems that way. For another I've gotten wiser -- ditto. In some ways I've gotten better looking -- double ditto.

It's not all good, either. Eventually of course, death comes -- sooner for some than others. But even for those of us lucky enough to hang around for a while, some weird things occur.

For instance it wasn't until about age 45 that I began to snore. Until then I was a quiet sleeper, and proud of it. Then one morning my wife mentioned that I had snored a little the night before. I remembered finding this amusing. The second time she told me also was funny. But the third, tenth, fiftieth became not the least big funny, because I had no desire to ruin her sleep anymore than my own. And make no mistake: snoring wrecks it for both of you. My wife is kept awake by the noise, and I'm kept awake by my wife shaking my shoulder and saying, "Jim, you're snoring ... Jim, you're snoring ..." while I groggily respond, "Huh? What? ... Huh? What? ..."

The weirdest thing about snoring is how the snorer doesn't have a clue. I can be lying there making enough noise to terrify a nearby werewolf, and yet I'm blissfully unaware of it. As far as I'm concerned, I'm as silent as a baby.

After my wife has woken me up a couple of times, I then enter into a sort of half-sleep in which I'm fighting not to fall back all the way, which will bring on the inevitable snoring again. I figure that if I can stay awake long enough for her to fall asleep, then maybe I can sneak off after that and not disturb her.

Oh well, what can you do? Age is that way.

Let's not even get into balding, pot bellies, and hair on my ears.

The good news is I don't have that one problem that comes with age! Fit as a fiddle there -- triple ditto. :)


Alex Humphrey said...

My mom puts ear plugs in at night now and that seems to be working well

Jim Melvin said...

Ha! Well, at least I'm not alone as a snorer then.

Kappa no He said...

My husband snores too--depending on his position when he falls asleep. Jeanne is a sweetheart. I use the old "shoulder shake method" and then when he wakes I pretend I didn't do it. By the second or third time he usually turns over and problem is solved.

Jim Melvin said...

The whole thing is annoying. Just one more bizarre aging thing. Overall, I'm hanging in pretty good, though. At least I have great knees!

Sheila (Bookjourney) said...

Great post Jim. Still laughing as my husband has been doing the same thing and I cant remember when it started.... which scares me a little...LOL

I read about your books on J Kayes blog and came by to see where to purchase as I am not having much luck on line. I would like to try out your first book as I was impressed with the review and the content of your books. Is there a place you are offering them for sale? In the mean time I will keep looking. Going to be in a Barnes and Noble this afternoon...

Jim Melvin said...


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Jimmy G. Smith said...
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Jim Melvin said...
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Kathy said...

Hi Jim,

My husband snores or makes loud breathing noises. He always wakes me up. I don't shake his shoulder. Instead I say, "Don, you need to flip." That's his cue to turn over on his side. People snore when they lie on their backs. If he is turned in the opposite direction (we're back to back), I don't hear him anymore even if he does make any noises.

Jim Melvin said...

I do seem to do better when I'm on my right side as opposed to my back or left side. Also, it seems worse when I've had a lot to drink the night before.


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Clemson, SC, United States
I was born in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., but grew up in St. Petersburg, Fla. I graduated from the University of South Florida (Tampa) in 1979 with a B.A. in Journalism. I now live in South Carolina near the Blue Ridge Mountains, a pleasant setting for writing, to say the least. I was an award-winning journalist at the St. Petersburg Times for twenty-five years and I currently work at the Charlotte Observer. I am married with five daughters.

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Jim Melvin, a veteran journalist, debuts as novelist.