Thursday, April 8, 2010

Colonoscopy: wanna talk?

I'm 52.

I had a colonoscopy yesterday, just to make sure everything's okay. The day-before purging wasn't so much fun, but the actual event wasn't bad at all. Great drugs, at least. And pretty nurses (who winked at me afterward and handed me phone numbers crumpled up on scraps of paper).

One thing that amazed me about the entire thing was how many people I know who also have had the procedure. They came to me in droves, sharing all kinds of amazing stories about loopiness and toilet seats and polyps. (The more you say that word, the cooler it sounds.) It's almost like a cult! There are the Colonoscopers and the ... others.

My group is fascinating! The others? Well, they're just kind of b-o-r-i-n-g.

Any other Colonoscopers out there?
Posted by at 10:35 PM

8 comments:

Kay said...

My old man is still complaining about having to pay "to get buggered."

On the other hand, the procedure saves lives.

April 10, 2010 11:11 AM
Jim Melvin said...

Buggered is one of those infamously great words.

It does save lives, though. Just like getting your skin checked each year at the dermatologist.

April 10, 2010 8:56 PM
JM said...

I'm not part of the cool club, but I'm semi-cool in that I have had an endoscopy (down the throat). Again, pretty good drugs but a lot of belching on my part while the tube was in.

April 13, 2010 2:10 AM
Jim Melvin said...

Man, you were awake enough during that to belch?

April 13, 2010 8:58 PM
Kappa no He said...

I'm living in some third world country. I had an endoscopy with no meds whatsoever. Wide awake. Here, try to swallow this, *SHOVE*, oops. Ow, went into your lung...repeat ten times.

April 18, 2010 3:13 AM
Jim Melvin said...

Man, I couldn't imagine that. I did have a colonoscopy about 30 years ago with no meds, but that's nothing compared with a tube down your throat. Gawd.

April 18, 2010 8:12 PM
Kappa no He said...

IDK, tubes anywhere ... anesthesia, please!

April 22, 2010 7:07 AM
Jim Melvin said...

Still, I'd take tubes from behind without drugs over tubes down the throat. Gawd!

April 24, 2010 9:21 PM

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Synopsis

The Death Wizard Chronicles is a sexy, action-packed six-book epic fantasy series: Book One (The Pit), Book Two (Moon Goddess), Book Three (Eve of War), Book Four (World on Fire), Book Five (Sun God), Book Six (Death-Know).

The DW Chronicles is not for children and teenagers -- or the faint of heart. But if you like graphic fantasy that is bursting with excitement yet still has a lot going on between the lines, I think you'll love my series.

In a groundbreaking paradox, the Death Wizard, a champion of good, derives his power from a source traditionally seen as negative -- death. His nemesis, an evil sorcerer, derives his power from the sun, the benevolent source of all life. Their struggle to control the fate of the planet Triken will take your breath away.

In an original twist never before seen in this genre, the Death Wizard is able to enter the realm of death during a "temporary suicide." Through intense concentration, he stops his heartbeat and feeds on death energy, which provides him with an array of magical powers.

The series also is a love triangle involving two desperate characters attempting to come together despite the machinations of an all-powerful psychopath with incestuous cravings.

Graphic and action-packed, spanning a millennium of turmoil, The DW Chronicles carries readers on a journey they will never forget.

Do you fear death? The Death Wizard does not. Find out why.

-- An excerpt from the middle of Book One can be found below.

About Me

My Photo
Clemson, SC, United States
I was born in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., but grew up in St. Petersburg, Fla. I graduated from the University of South Florida (Tampa) in 1979 with a B.A. in Journalism. I now live in South Carolina near the Blue Ridge Mountains, a pleasant setting for writing, to say the least. I was an award-winning journalist at the St. Petersburg Times for twenty-five years and also worked at the Greenville News. I am married with five daughters.

The author

The author
Jim Melvin, 54, a veteran journalist, debuts as novelist.

Excerpt from The Pit

This time there were no dreams. When he opened his eyes the ruins of Dukkhatu were sprawled before him. The spider lay on her back, pierced in many places by prickly black rocks. Her hideous legs quivered, and a wet, whistling sound came from her mouth. Torg tore a chunk of obsidian from the ground, climbed onto the spider's exposed belly, and stabbed the stone into her hide, perforating her long, tubular heart. Dukkhatu let out a final, ear-shattering scream -- and went still. But the wizard didn't stop. He drove the stone into her again and again, punching huge holes in her carcass.

Her body shredded and tore apart.

Her entrails splashed in his face. But he didn't care.

Hate and despair drove his madness. When he no longer had the strength to lift his arm, Torg collapsed face-first in Dukkhatu's gore.

The wizard didn't remember standing. But at some point, he did. Then he wandered -- naked and shivering -- through and around the crumbled stone ... staggering, falling, crawling.

Tears rinsed a little of the filth from his face, but his broken body reeked of the spider's stink.

Heaps of razor-sharp obsidian were scattered among the jumble of smoother stones, as if planted there with tiny black seeds. It took all of Torg's remaining will not to grasp another shard and drive it into his own heart, ending the pain.

His life had become nothing but pain. Why breathe any longer? His endurance was gone, his hopes destroyed. Who could blame him for giving up? Not even Tathagata could ask any more of him.

What did it matter ... anyway? All things were impermanent -- he, certainly, as much as anything else. The time of his ending had come. A future lifetime beckoned.

Perhaps he would live it in a better place than this.